#17

Wow. Too much stuff on my mind not enough time to think about it all.

And I'm not even sure if there's anything to think about. Like I know there's stuff to think about but. Ughh idk, it's getting harder for me to keep things to myself now. Like I want to tell her everything but I can't find the words. And maybe that's just laying it all out there. Last time I did that I got so attached and I just ughh idk.

I want her to know everything. To understand everything, but I'm so afraid to let her all the way in. It's like I can't put all of myself out there. Or can I? Should I? She deserves that much. But like it's not even like I'm keeping anything from her. It's the same things I keep from everyone. But she's not just everyone...so I should just tell her. But ughh idk. I don't want that in her head. It's bad enough it's in mine. Why is this so hard? Why couldn't I just be ughhh normal? FUCK!

Whatever. It'll come up eventually and I'll tell her then...but I'm so afraid to talk about it.