#6

I feel like it's the same problem. Same shit different day, ya know? It's like why do I get myself into situations that won't benefit me?

I'm not mad, not at all. Like I really just don't know what I am. Like should I be mad? She didn't do anything wrong. I knew what I was getting myself into when i "signed up" for it ya know? But like I was under the impression that she was in the process of moving on and I guess I really shouldn't have assumed that. That was my bad.

But what am I suppose to think? All she does is complain about her, and I know I complain about people all the time, trust me I know, but this was different. This was the way you complain about someone who you can't stand. And okay, I get that she frustrates her and I get that she's still emotionally attached to her, but the point that was presented to me, or at least what I interpreted, was that she wasn't attached to her, but rather she was addicted to her. And being addicted to something isn't loving it, it's needing it in order to sustain life.

So what does it all mean? Okay, I'm not stupid, I've always known she still had feelings for her and I understand that, but I don't want to be understanding right now. I want to act like I'm 5 years old and bitch and moan about how I'm not getting what I want and how it isn't fair. Because it's not fair. And like I'm not saying that it's not fair because I "deserve" her or whatever, because that's just stupid. I'm saying that I don't take people for granted ya know? Like she's not ready for her yet. Her radio isn't tuned to the same station, so to speak. And ours are. Same station, same song, perfect timing.

I'm not about to sit here and be like, "Oh, why me? Poor poor me," because that's not to sort of person I am, but I feel like shit. I hate getting in those situations and I tend to put myself in them all the time. For once, I just want someone to like me, and be perfectly content with it. Someone who doesn't come with... I guess "baggage" is the word that would best fit.

I really like her though. Gosh this sucks.