#21

Yesterday's blog was just to let off steam. I'm really not that mean. Just in my head, I swear.

On a lighter note, I find myself reading/hearing people talk about how they want someone who'll do all this stuff and blah blah blah, but I've noticed that if you go out looking for someone to be a certain way, you'll get fooled. Like if you want someone to be your "everything" you'll find them. You really will, but I'll tell you from experience, they will NOT be what you were expecting. And it'll just be harder to leave once you realize it.

Like I'm so glad that for a change I wasn't looking for anything when I found her. Like she just came out of nowhere and I'm so glad. Like this is so much better than I could have ever expected/hoped for/wished for or any of that good stuff. Like I haven't been this happy in God knows how long you know? And like I've never spent days with someone and the minute I have to leave, I feel like I haven't seen them in years. Like I miss her like every waking moment and I think about her all the time. It's crazy because the only time I think about people in a constant state is when they're doing something to upset me. But that's not the case with her.

I want to tell her something, but I don't want that to fuck anything up. Because usually when stuff like that is expressed it just ends poorly and God knows that's the LAST thing I want to happen. It's crazy. But I already know I do. It's just a matter of expressing it I guess... I will though. Just not now, the time isn't well, I guess it's just not the time yet.

It's whatever though. I'm happy. End of story.