#38

This is dedicated to the only girl who I'd fight for.

Mariah, please don't think that I'm only writing this because of what possibly could happen. This isn't the case. I writing this because this entire time we've been on break I've been trying to act like this doesn't affect me. Matter of fact, I don't know what I was doing. I wasn't being truthful with you though and our current predicament shows that. Baby, I need you in my life. You're the only good thing I have going for me right now and yeah, lately shit hasn't been right with us, but fuck all of that because I'm so done trying to hide my feelings from you. I'm done trying to act like this doesn't affect me. I can't do it.
And I can't go on knowing that there's something I could have done to fix this. That's all I want is to fix this because I love you so much and when I look at people, you're the only one I see. And I'm constantly thinking about you and talking about you and wanting to be with you. And fuck this bullshit thing called pride because it's just getting in the way of something that could possibly be beautiful. And there's so much I wanna say but I'm not sure what to say. It's like I can't see myself without you. And every slight bit of happiness that's crossed my past recently hasn't been as good because I wasn't sharing it with you. I've lost you before and that was the worst feeling in the world and if this break has shown me anything is that I don't like the idea of living without you. I can talk to you about anything and everything and I trust you so much with everything in me and I'm just saying fuck all the bullshit. Fuck everything that's happened to get us to this point and let's just start from the beginning because me and you are great together and everyone can see it. And I haven't been this happy with someone in forever. And like I said before I know shit has been fucked up between us lately but everyone has problems and we can get through this.

Just give me the chance to start over. That's all I want...