#12

That's a good question. Why wasn't I talking as much yesterday?

I really don't know. Like she makes me so nervous. And there's so much stuff on my mind that I want to say, but I can tell when things just may start and argument. I'm curious about her and there are so many things that I want to ask her, and sometimes I wish I could just ask her without her changing her mood on me, ya know? Like she can go from happy to sad/mad/frustrated in like 2.5 seconds and I don't want her to be upset.

I don't know. It's like sometimes I just want to ask a question without having to worry if she's gonna get mad or if she's gonna go inside her head like she does a lot. And I think by me doing that, I'm the one going inside. I'm the one hiding shit and it's not my intention. I don't know, I talk on the phone because if I stay silent then there's no point. You can't tell someone that you want to be on the phone with them and then just not talk. I don't know, words just seem to get in the way. I think that's pre-programming. I grew so accustomed to not talking to my "significant other" that it just stuck in my mind. I'm use to listening because I'm use to not being able to ask questions. I don't know.

I have so much to say, yet nothing to say at the same time. It's so hard.