#1

I'm not quite sure about anything anymore.

Gosh all this crap is entirely too complicated. Why did I answer that text? I could have eliminated this stress and these issues if I would have just ignored it. Like I'm back in the same situation, AGAIN.

She makes absolutely no sense to me. And it's not like I'm like, "Yeah I MUST figure her out." No, that's not the case. But things that I figured were common sense apparently aren't. I don't care if she likes other people. Hell she can like 8 MILLION people if she sees fit, but how does she expect me to take her seriously? What I remember is her saying that she wants a relationship with me. But how are we suppose to be working towards a relationship when she doesn't even know what she wants? She's so complicated.

And I've been keeping this to myself for the longest. She's suppose to be the one to make me feel better, ya know? The one who's suppose to be the right one for the change, yet she's just making me feel worse; just like how she use to do. And like she told me that she wasn't like that anymore, that she had changed and I so wanted to believe her. I had this guard up, but she found her way around it and I was stupid enough to let her. I thought I wasn't letting her in my heart, that my wall was strong enough to keep her out, but either she's great at manipulating me or I'm really retarded. I don't even know.

I just want everything to go back to how it was, but I can't even remember exactly what it is that I want it to get back to. She's not a bad person, or is she? I don't know, I make so many excuses for the way people treat me. I'm so retarded. But is this all my fault? If I know how she is, why do i tolerate it? Ughhhhh! This is all retarded.

I love her, but what sucks is that I'm not sure the feeling's being returned.