#55

Like a machine receiving too much information at once, my brain is about to explode. I'm caught on so many thoughts that it's hard to narrow it down to just one. With the forever increasing amount of curiosities presenting themselves to me, it's hard not to be intrigued. However, I'm not going astray. This isn't what you think. You're wrong, but how easy it would be if you were right. How easy it would be to decided. Not simple, but easy because there is a difference. Just because something is easy doesn't make it simple and just because something is simple doesn't make it easy. Similar to fascinating and interesting.
This blog is about nothing. I'm rambling because I don't know what to write because I want to write everything down but it's impossible to try to include every thought I'm thinking and as I'm typing this I'm saying the words in my head and I'm speaking so fast and that's why there are no periods in this and if I was capable of typing the way I'm thinking all of this would be one word so it would looksomethinglikethisanditwouldbeincrediably
hardtofollowthisbecauseitisincrediblyhardtotypelikethis
IwanttohitthespacekeybutItherearenospacesinthemy
ramblebecauseitisacontinuousramblewithoutanypauses.
That's almost impossible to read which is how I think. It's nearly impossible to select just one thought because the thoughts I'm thinking aren't all good. Most of them are scaring me.

I find myself coming to a fork in the road, but it's a road with twelve different possible trails to follow and most of them will lead me the wrong way but staying at this position of utter confusions isn't going to suffice. Even a wrong path would be better than this.

I can't do this.

I'm losing what I depend on. My Mind.
And the only way I can get it to come back is to do something that won't benefit anyone. What am I to do? I'm acting as though the pressure isn't building up inside when it all actuality it's becoming impossible to ignore. As hard as I try to ease it, to make it subside, it refuses.
Homelessness is the least of my worries...

#54

And life gets more and more curious.
How can everything around me be going to hell and yet I feel nothing for it. All I can see is you because you are all there is. Mindless and endlessly engulfed in All that is you. Beyond you? How could there ever be such a thing. I Repeat the words to you often because loving you is an Inevitable thing for me. How can everyone else go About there day not knowing you? Not knowing the beauty which is you? There's no way you could be a red Herring in the mystery of life; you're too undistractingly intriguing. The exuberance and eternalness you represent is nothing short of amazing. The third day of the sixth month of the two-thousand and eighth year of this lifetime will forever live in infamy in the minds of two people. The start of their time together deserves to be remembered.
"And the color of cold has changed and the color of love will soon follow."
Forever in love with only you.

#53

I once heard a man say,

I am not a human playing, thinking, drinking or anything else.
I am a human, being.

But I am not a human, being. At least not only that. I am a human:
caring, crying, hurting, thinking, speaking, defending, pretending, loving, dancing, singing, eating, breathing, bleeding, falling, catching, missing, screwing, changing but mainly

DOING.

Maybe that's what "being" means.

#52

Being around related people who actually care about one another is so sad. Not because they care about each other, but because there are so many people who don't have blood relatives to care for them. I thought that maybe you didn't need to have blood to care about you, but when I sit back and think, there aren't many people who've known me my entire life. And those who do, aren't blood relatives.

I belong NO WHERE to no one.

And I've never felt so lonely in my life. It's like yeah, friends are family. I'm a strong believer in that, but well I don't know how to explain it. It's a sense of forever-ness. Because even with my non-bloods (my mother's best friend's family) I feel like an outsider. Like I can't seem to be included or something and it's weird because I've never felt the need to belong to anything but it's hard to not want something when it's beating against your insides.

People like this, like me, want families of their own though. They want people to love them forever and all that good nonsense, but I'm not like that. I've been on the outside for the longest, like since birth that I don't know HOW to be on the inside. I'm homeless.

November 4, 2008 BARACK OBAMA became the youngest (and the first black) president of the United States. :D